On Air Archive

Over one million adults and children in the UK have significant disfigurements to their face or body from many causes. People may have been born with a condition that affects the way they look (like a cleft lip, birthmark or craniofacial condition). They may have developed a skin condition like vitiligo, acne or eczema. People may have scars and irregular features following treatment for cancer or other illnesses or following a fire, an attack, animal bite or car accident. The disfigurement may also be present on another part of their body such as their hands or legs.

Modern reconstructive surgery and medical treatments can be effective in making some disfigurements much less noticeable but a disfigurement can rarely be removed completely. Some scarring, asymmetry or complexion change usually remains.

Living with a face or body which is visibly different is not always easy. People may feel uncomfortable in social situations and be finding it hard to deal with the seemingly constant staring, comments and questions from other people. Some might feel isolated or believe that they have little chance of leading a successful life. It can be hard to feel good about yourself when looks seem to count for so much.

Support charity Changing Faces can offer people advice on handling different social situations as well as helping them develop their self-esteem and gain in self-confidence.

Emotional Experience
Living with a condition or scarring that affects people’s appearance can be very challenging emotionally. Everyone’s experience is different and all feelings are very valid.

Feeling Different
If a condition has or continues to involve surgery or other medical treatment, people’s life experience could be very different to their friends and peers. This can feel isolating and as if their life is set apart from others. Sharing experiences with good friends and family can help reduce this sense of difference, and enable other people to have a greater appreciation of how things are for those living with a disfigurement.

Feeling Sad Or Depressed
Even if a person has been living with their disfigurement for many years, it doesn’t mean that they won’t feel depressed sometimes. This might be for a number of reasons. Perhaps they’ve encountered a lot of hostility because of their appearance, or they feel that their disfigurement is getting in the way of their relationships or career opportunities. Some people can feel depressed about what they feel are lost opportunities, or what they imagine their life might have been like if they didn’t have a disfigurement.

Feeling Angry
It can be hard to live with a disfigurement in a society that seems to place such an unhealthy emphasis on appearance and imposes such a narrow definition of “beauty”. People might feel angry that they have to live with their disfigurement, whilst others seem to have a much easier life. They might also feel angry that they are exposed to other people’s curiosity, and sometimes their ignorance or abuse, which can feel invasive.

Feeling Embarrassed Or Ashamed
Some people talk of feeling embarrassed or even ashamed of their appearance. This could be for a variety of reasons, for example, some of their encounters with people in the past may have been negative, they may have been humiliated or they may be fearful of exposure.

Feeling Bereft
If people’s appearances have changed later in life, they may encounter feelings similar to that of bereavement. This is perfectly normal, and is their psyche’s way of processing the loss of their previous appearance. They might also be processing other losses, such as the loss of their previous health and a loss of function. It’s not unusual for past, seemingly unrelated losses to come up again, which can confuse and compound people’s feelings.

Feeling Like You’ve Lost Your Identity
When appearance changes as a consequence of trauma, surgery or disease, it can feel like a part of those affected has been lost. Many people talk of not recognising their own reflection / themselves after acquiring a disfigurement, and this feeling can last for some time.

Feeling Anxious Or Scared
It’s not unusual for some people to feel anxious and worried, especially about meeting new people, going into new situations, or being around large groups. This is quite natural, as each time people encounter new people, they may attract curiosity and may possibly be asked about their appearance. Such scenarios may cause them concern as they cannot be certain how other people will react and how they will manage certain reactions.

Feeling Positive And Empowered
Living positively with a disfigurement requires resilience and a positive attitude. Many people tell us that they feel empowered by their life experience. Surviving painful surgery or other medical treatments, periods of hospitalisation, feelings of isolation, managing other people’s reactions, and achieving their own personal goals or perhaps exceeding other people’s expectations of them, can all feel very good.

Handling Other People’s Reactions
People may long to walk down the street completely anonymously with no one taking any notice of them. It can become tiring and feel intrusive when people seem to stare and they may feel that it would be less bother if they just stayed at home.

The way in which people approach meeting others also depends on what they would like to get out of the encounter. So there are different levels of communication for different types of encounters, whether with a stranger, a casual acquaintance, a work colleague, a friend or an intimate partner.

What they might say to one is likely to be quite different to what they say to another. Many people therefore find it useful to have prepared and ‘rehearsed’ scenarios and responses in their minds that can be used for these different types of encounters.

Revealing personal information and sharing experiences is part of the natural process of increasing trust and intimacy within a developing friendship. As part of this process, people will most likely want to know what happened to them and why they look different.

We would like to thank Changing Faces for assisting us with this feature. For more information you can contact them on either 0845 4500 275 or by visiting www.changingfaces.org.uk